If I was a better mother

If I was a better mother, I’d read every book before my daughter does so I’d know if it was appropriate.
If I was a better mother I’d drink less wine, eat less chocolate.
If I was a better mother, I’d eat less. 
(But not in a disordered way. Just in a way that is a good role model.)
If I was a better mother, I’d cook better meals that my children would eat without complaint.
If I was a better mother, my children would love school and do their homework without complaint.
If I was a better mother, there’d be fewer complaints.

If I was a better mother, I wouldn’t be tired. My children would give me energy.
If I was a better mother, I would never find my children draining.
If I was a better mother, I’d want to spend all my time with my children.
If I was a better mother, my kids would not spend so much time on screens.
(When they are on screens they leave me alone.)
If I was a better mother, I wouldn’t feel the need to be alone.

If I was a better mother, the kitchen would be clean right now.
(The kitchen is not clean right now.)
If I was a better mother, my children would never be sullen.
If I was a better mother, my children would be smart, helpful and cheerful.
If I was a better mother, they’d be perfect because I’d be perfect and everything would be perfect.

If I was a better mother, I’d do everything my mother did well and be better at the things she didn’t do well.
(Mom: You did everything well. You were perfect. Also: I’m sorry.)
(Mom: You weren’t perfect, but I love you anyway. Also: I’m sorry.)
(If I were a better daughter I’d call you more often, but that’s another poem.)

If I was a better mother …
It’s like a lyric in the most annoying earworm.
If I was a better mother, If I was a better mother, If I was a better mother, If I was a better mother … 

If I was a better mother, I wouldn’t be … the mother I am.

The mother I am is tired.
The mother I am is sometimes annoyed.
The mother I am wishes everyone would stop asking me for things.
All. The. Things.
The mother I am loves her children very, very much.
The mother I am …
The mother I am hopes that’s enough.